Eknath Easwaran's Commentary
In My Fair Lady, Rex Harrison sings in exasperation: “Why can’t a woman be more like a man? . . . Why can’t a woman be like me?”
It did not surprise me to learn that this was a very popular song. In every emotional relationship, even if we don’t put it into words, each of us has a rigid set of expectations which requires the other person to act and think in a particular way. Interestingly enough, it is not that person’s way; it is our own.
When he or she acts differently, we get surprised and feel irritated or disappointed. If we could see behind the scenes, in the mind, this sort of encounter would make a good comedy. Here I am, relating not to you but to my idea of you, and I get irritated because you insist on acting your own way instead!
It is really no more than stimulus and response. If you behave the way I expect, I’ll be kind. If you behave otherwise, I’ll act otherwise too: rude, or irritated, or disappointed, or depressed, depending on my personality, but always something in reaction to you. It means, simply, that none of us has much freedom; our behavior is dependent on what other people say and do. To live without self-centered expectations is the secret of freedom in personal relationships.